An early morning phone call brought the news of my mother’s death. Waves of nostalgia, mingled with bittersweet relief, washed over me as I recalled the physical challenges and cognitive loss that plagued her.
During the time I served as a caregiver for my aging mother, I observed this bright, independent, fun lady wilt before my eyes. Ironically, I was writing a book on caring for aging parents at the time. There were days when I couldn’t formulate a sentence and other times when I wrote whole chapters while sitting beside her hospital bed, coaching her through periods of pain and fear. After my mother died, I moved into a different phase of grieving, but by that time, I was well acquainted with grief.
No matter how you handle grief, it’s a process. For some, it follows an orderly progression. For others, it’s a longer journey. Although we most often associate grief with death, it comes in other forms as well. Perhaps you are grieving the loss of a relationship, the pain of rebellious offspring, the mental decline of a loved one, or the everydayness of a chronic condition. Or maybe your grief involves an unrealized dream. No matter the source of grief, it has an impact on you physically, mentally, and emotionally, and thus, on writing productivity and creativity.
Tips to help you write while grieving:
- Recognize you are in survival mode. When you are going through this type of intense emotional experience, if possible, let commitments go that require lots of time and energy. Now is not the time to volunteer for leadership positions. Other opportunities will come later. And less commitment now means more available writing time.
- Review accomplishments. If you were able to write that much, that well, before, you’ll be able to do it again. Often, seeing what you’ve done inspires new ideas. As they arise, type a few sentences or outline. You’ll be surprised how writing just a few words primes the pump and leads to more.
- Accept grief. Don’t fight it. Write what you can, when you can. Don’t beat yourself up if you sit in front of a blank screen and can’t sting a sentence together. Emotional turmoil, stress, and fatigue are all part of the grieving process and reduce writing ability.
- Journal or take notes at times and in places where you don’t usually write. Even if ideas are sketchy and take the form of scribbles on paper napkins, record your thoughts.
- When you have a burst of creativity, go with it, even if it means setting other things aside for a few days or altering your normal routine.
- Nurture yourself spiritually. Grief drains your spiritual well. Refuel with music, reading, and prayer.
- Remember grief is only for a season. Make the most of days when grief lifts and is replaced by hope. Remain forward-looking, believing a new, brighter, more productive season is not far away.