Wise Advice
by Andrea King Collier, Sam Greengard, Florence Isaacs and Minda Zetlin

A member says, "My dilemma is twofold: A lot of my friends are (obviously) writers and many of my students tend to become friends. More and more of my friends (who are writers) ask if I'll read something of theirs—a query letter, a chapter, a book!—and give them feedback. I want to and I just can't charge them. I'm talking good friends, people I socialize with. My dilemma with students (who are friends or who take my classes or want to know what I'd charge to coach/mentor them) is the closer we become, the more I feel guilty for charging them. I do offer discounts to students who need discounts. So, my question is, how do you handle friends' requests to read their work and how do you get beyond the guilt over charging students or clients who become good friends?"

Andrea King Collier
As a person who teaches essay classes, I find myself in the same situation. I set my ground rules and I stick to them. I have a few people whose essays I will read and give quick feedback at no charge, but only at certain times during the year. I don't read chapters or book stuff, as it takes too much time. I find that reading other people's work while I am deep into my own is deadly for me. As a person who has to make a living just like them, I must be steadfast in hanging on to my writing mindspace. I try to be generous during other times. So my good friends know that when I can, I do. As writers, they usually understand. It is just my line in the sand. We should be giving with each other, but we also have to keep some for ourselves. I am learning to say no. Not an easy lesson but it has become important to me as I grow in my own work. And the truth is that I say yes, a lot.

Sam Greengard
It's nice to be nice but you have to draw a line somewhere—or lose all sense of sanity. All friends and acquaintances are not created equal. For a few of your closest friends, it may be appropriate to extend the favor of reading their material and providing feedback—as long as this is an occasional event (and they are willing to reciprocate). However, for more casual friends, acquaintances and students, it really isn't appropriate. You're a professional. And, while it's nice to be a caring and supportive person, you'd be hard-pressed to find a doctor or therapist who would treat patients for free.

How to address this situation? You need to be careful that you're not unwittingly encouraging people to view you as a free source of literary criticism. You may also need to tell people that you've been deluged with requests and the situation is becoming unmanageable. Perhaps you could hand out a rate sheet for anyone interesting in mentoring or coaching services. One thing is certain: you need to lose the guilt. Friends shouldn't think you're obligated to read their manuscripts for free. It's up to you to draw some boundaries and stick with them.

Florence Isaacs
It's a good thing to help people, but there are limits. A few issues seem to be involved here. First is the question of why so many people ask you to read their work. I wonder if you encourage them to ask you for feedback without realizing it. A second issue is the amount of work involved. It's a lot less work to read a one-page magazine query than a book chapter—and reading a chapter is different from reading a book. (Why would it be necessary to read an entire book anyway?) Third, colleagues are in a different category from students. In the former case, reciprocity is possible. The person can give you feedback when you need it yourself, or be helpful in other ways. It's professional courtesy.

As for handling guilt for charging students or clients who become friends, what would you do if you owned a retail store? Would you give away the goods to everyone you know? With all the friends you have, you'd be out of business fast. Would you expect your lawyer friend to handle your case for nothing? It's unprofessional, not to mention self-defeating, to offer your time and expertise free of charge to anyone but your nearest and dearest. Even then, there are boundaries.

Minda Zetlin
I recently made an offer on a house via a friend who sells real estate. She's a good friend, but she did not offer to give up her commission. My husband fixes computers, and that same friend gave him her laptop to repair. He did not offer to do that work for free either. Neither one felt guilty about it, so why do we writers feel guilty charging friends for the work by which we earn our living? If you feel that you can genuinely help these friends improve their writing, and perhaps achieve a sale they otherwise wouldn't have, does it make sense to feel bad about being paid for your time?

That said, I see why you might feel awkward, especially if you are helping some friends for free. It might help to set some boundaries by figuring out ahead of time exactly what your general policy is for helping friends with their writing. (For instance, a quick read is free, detailed comments are 75 percent of what you'd charge a non-friend, and so on.) You can still make exceptions for a special few. Friends who respect you—and why have any other kind?—will be willing to show that respect by paying you what you're worth. But you must respect yourself enough to expect them to, as a matter of course.

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